Tell her she can't have a vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
