We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
