Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
