I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
