I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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