sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
