Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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