pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
