I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
