Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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