I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You can't motorboat a personality
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
