would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
