Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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