life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i came on her dog
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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