people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
