Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
