She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
