whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
