Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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