and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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