sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize