You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
