The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
