is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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