Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I could make wine with my vomit
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
