she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
