Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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