I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
