So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
