You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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