Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
only you would photoshop your dick
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dicks are not precious.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
