So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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