Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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