can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
