you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
