My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
