i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
