from now on my penis is your penis
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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