Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
