Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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