HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
