He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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