we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
