I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
