apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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