Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
