i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
