She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dear god my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
