Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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