The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
