This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
