How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ketchup is God's man juice
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
