Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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