His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
soo... how was my night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
