the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
