I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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