How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
