Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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