I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
