just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
