Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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