I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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