He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
