You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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