My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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