Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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