We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize