if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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