She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
