My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
