does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
